The 7 Worst Types of People

When I called this The Worst Types of People, I wasn’t talking about racists or homophobes or people who litter (because they do make the list), but I’m talking about the smaller things that have the power to throw off your mojo without even realize it. With that being said, join me on today’s journey of horrible people in this world. This is why we can’t have nice things!

1. Whoever decided it was okay to put the calorie count on the front of food. I’ll go to buy a muffin or something, and instead of reveling in the moment of delish chocolate chips or fresh blueberries, I’m visually assaulted by a large number that I’d only ever want to see on a paycheck. I mean, come ON. Let me live a little.

 

2. It might not happen outside of NJ or NY at all, but the traffic weaver is by far the most hated breed of drivers. Why yes, I did want to be aggressively plowed down by your truck on my way to the beach because you refuse to drive in a straight line. Sure, no go ahead of me, the space is only half the size of your car- I’m sure you’ll fit just fine.

3. The waiter/waitress when they inform you that they are out of your favorite food. Sure, I know it’s not actually your fault and I won’t be rude to you about it, but just know that I’m internally mad at you.

4. The people who never seem to eat. You’re out, you’re hungry, and somehow nobody else in your group of friends seems to be. It’s been like 5 hours since your last meal but nobody seems to notice. Weirdos.

A prime example of traffic weaving: NYC

5. People who don’t say please or thank you. I’m pretty sure that I spent my childhood watching a manners video by Barney. I’ll let you borrow it.

6. “It’s Thanksgiving you say? Great, then you have extra time to complete this online exam. See you in class Monday.” -Every satanic professor

7. “Sorry I never responded, I never got your text/didn’t get it until just now.”  Oh, is that so? Conveniently, on a time sensitive question and/or request? Then who did get my text then? Hm? HM?!

I’m sorry to break it to you, but if you fall into one of these: you’re the worst, I hate you- and as a five year old would say, “You’re not coming to my birthday party!’ Have a good summer and don't be the worst.

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Guide for the Chronically Embarrassing

Picture this: I’m aggressively doing sprints on a treadmill at the gym, when I get a little too into it and my phone falls onto the belt, flies off, and gets lodged between equipment. The loud clatter of my poor phone and the workers having to MOVE the treadmills to get it, drew quite the crowd. As if this wasn’t mortifying enough, I then tripped on the treadmill. You’re probably thinking, “Okay Megan, maybe just stick to the weights. Treadmills aren’t your forte” but the thing is, occurrences like these happen to me (and I’m sure you) every day. For example:

Seven people saw me taking this photo. I had waited in line behind a five year old to take this picture.

One time when I was younger, I attempted a handstand on a crowded beach. Long story short, I landed face first even lost the tooth to prove it. The tooth fairy paid handsomely for that one.

During my Spartan Race this past weekend, I fell from the top of an eight foot wall...but of course not without a loud bang to alert the whole world. “Oh my gosh are you okay? Do you need anything?!”  Yeah, I need you to stop staring!

I cried in front of a packed stadium at Seaworld because I saw Shamu (See Why Fear is Your Friend) I know, I have issues.

I choked on water for an arguably long amount of time while trying to respond to someone that I was trying to impress. Safe to say they were not impressed. At all.

My parents used to call me the Michelin baby because I was so fat (and bald).