Guide for the Chronically Embarrassing

Picture this: I’m aggressively doing sprints on a treadmill at the gym, when I get a little too into it and my phone falls onto the belt, flies off, and gets lodged between equipment. The loud clatter of my poor phone and the workers having to MOVE the treadmills to get it, drew quite the crowd. As if this wasn’t mortifying enough, I then tripped on the treadmill. You’re probably thinking, “Okay Megan, maybe just stick to the weights. Treadmills aren’t your forte” but the thing is, occurrences like these happen to me (and I’m sure you) every day. For example:

Seven people saw me taking this photo. I had waited in line behind a five year old to take this picture.

One time when I was younger, I attempted a handstand on a crowded beach. Long story short, I landed face first even lost the tooth to prove it. The tooth fairy paid handsomely for that one.

During my Spartan Race this past weekend, I fell from the top of an eight foot wall...but of course not without a loud bang to alert the whole world. “Oh my gosh are you okay? Do you need anything?!”  Yeah, I need you to stop staring!

I cried in front of a packed stadium at Seaworld because I saw Shamu (See Why Fear is Your Friend) I know, I have issues.

I choked on water for an arguably long amount of time while trying to respond to someone that I was trying to impress. Safe to say they were not impressed. At all.

My parents used to call me the Michelin baby because I was so fat (and bald).

The Problem With Birthdays

Since my birthday is in two weeks, I have been reflecting a lot on ghosts of birthdays past, present and future. I feel as if though all of the below quotes are perfect representations of the reactions that follow the progression of your youth.

0-3 “Fghahtelrmng”

3-9 “I’m not seven, I’m seven and a half.”  You know exactly what I’m talking about.

10-12 “Double digits finally!!!! I’m finally a big kid! I can’t wait to be a teenager now.”

13-15 “Life is different now because I am a teenager” (And why I ever wanted to be a teenager still baffles me)

16-17 “Wow I can’t believe I was so lame before. But now I can drive a car so…”

18- “Yes! I’m an adult FINALLY! Oh...I can go to jail now? Real jail? Oh.”

19- “Why am I not 21 yet?”

20- “Still not 21 but I guess 20 has a nice ring to it. Maybe I should get my life together...”

21- “YES IT’S FINALLY HAPPENING! YES!”

22-25 “Well, it’s a little anticlimactic compared to when I turned 21, but hey, I can rent a car now.”

26-29 “This is great but I can’t afford all of these baby showers and weddings! They put what in their registry???”

30-35 “Oh boy.”

36-40 “How old am I? Twenty six. I am twenty six.”

40-50 “Eh why the hell not?”

As you can see (with the exception of age 21), everyone seems to be unhappy with the age they are becoming, wishing they were something else. However, this is the attitude that leads to the cycle of unhappiness and dissatisfaction. It’s like putting on sunscreen. You don’t want to because it’s cold, slimy and is generally unpleasant, but you don’t have much of a choice unless you enjoy the pain that ensues.

While I’m not entirely thrilled with my age either, simply because people think I’m basically a fetus despite the fact that I’m a year away from twenty (not that I’m counting down or anything), I know that wishing this time away will only make my life shorter and less joyful. Stop worrying about a worthless number and live; make today the day that you live.

You can connect with me through Twitter @TheDayILived. Exciting things to come soon that you don’t want to miss!