Happiness Hacks: Forgiveness

Forgiveness is one of the most pivotal decisions in the pursuit of happiness but can also prove to be the most difficult. It is a long, arduous process- a description that inspired a poem I wrote,

It’s forgive not forgave and never forget-

The act of forgiveness is not over yet.

Does this seem like an overwhelming concept? Let’s break it down-

“Why”- One of my favorite concepts in Buddhism is the release of anger, (with many other variations of the quote) “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”. If I held onto the anger for my younger sister for every time she stole something from me, we would have stopped talking when I was twelve (but maybe I would still have my clothes and ponytails back)...Not the point. Find a nice garden and meditate.

“It’s hard”- Well, yeah. But actively working on developing your forgiveness will feel much better than holding back the built up anger for many years. Just how you shouldn’t drink excessive amounts of liquid before a car ride, holding on to the anger will only build up over time and hurt you. Quite literally.

“But what if they don’t deserve forgiveness”- In all honesty, they probably don’t- but you do. You deserve to be poolside in the tropics sipping a drink, not dwelling on someone’s negativity.

Patience- The key line in the poem, “The act of forgiveness is not over yet”. Forgiveness is a conscious effort put in every day, not something that should be frequently used in the past tense. It is okay to struggle with it, so be patient with yourself and treat yourself to a donut. I did.

Some days are harder than others but it’s a marathon-not a sprint (says ex-track sprinter). But most importantly, don’t forget to forgive yourself unless you want to stay miserable. After all, nobody is perfect...but that’s not to say that we can’t still try to be.

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