I Yield to Pigeons

When life gives you birds, try not to get pooped on. I have a complicated relationship with birds, because, well...they’re just all evil.

“It's considered good luck because the odds of it happening to you are like one in a billion, which is more rare than winning the lottery. So statistically if you're able to get bird poop on you, then you should be able to win the lottery.” Thanks Ross, but I’d be rich.

This has been my THIRD time getting pooped on by a bird in under a year, and the total number of times in my life this brings me to? Let’s just say that if the above quote were true, I would be a millionaire.

The first two times (this year) were at the beach and sent me running into the ocean screaming. Admittedly, it was really actually very funny, but when it happens to you twice in one day only hours apart, things start looking a little less lucky.

This time around, it went on my purse while I was on a day trip and was so bad that I couldn’t even clean it off. I ended up emptying out the contents of my bag and having to throw it away right then and there. Sooo now I need a new purse if anyone would like to make a donation to “the poor girl who always gets pooped on by birds” fund.

As if the birds weren’t satisfied by that alone, they have also been known to steal my food. Not just take it though, but literally out of my mouth. I had a cookie that was halfway in my mouth when a bird swooped down, hit me in the face with its wing, stole my damn cookie, and flew away. Does this make it the ultimate diet coach and personal trainer or the killer of all joy? You tell me.

Now every time I see a bird I run, and I suggest you do the same. I don’t care how dumb I look swerving around pigeons as I walk down the street...these are the classic signs of an evil bird uprising and it’s only a matter of time before all of the cookies in the world are gone and you too will have been under attack. 

May you be “unlucky” in all of your endeavors.